
As many of you know I love food, I love Happy Hour, I love photography, and I love to write. Luckily, I was able to snag a freelance writing gig that involved all four of these things. I'm not finally making the big bucks or anything, but it pays a little something. And by little, I mean a whopping $7.77 for the last 40 days - literally! But hey, it keeps me writing! So if you could please subscribe it would be very much appreciated because it would bring more traffic (Honk Honk-Beep Beep-Wtf Guy) to my page!
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QUESTION:
If a TREE hits the forest floor and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
ANSWER:
YES? NO? MAYBE? I DON'T KNOW.
QUESTION:
If WOODS hits a tree in Florida and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
ANSWER:
YOU BET YOUR ASS IT DOES!
If you have been living under a rock or in some random Canadian town called Lake Ness like my youngest aunt and/or have no exposure to any form of news/gossip and haven't heard all the melee surrounding golf superstar, Tiger Woods, let's quickly recap.
At 2:20AM last Friday morning following what I assume to be quite an interesting Thanksgiving dinner, Tiger Woods drove his car recklessly outside of his Windermere home. He hit a fire hydrant and then drove into a nearby tree. His wife, Elin Nordegren, then apparently came to his rescue by smashing the back window of his high end SUV in order to extricate him from the vehicle. Alcohol was not involved, and from the looks of the evidence, Woods' injuries, and both his and Elin's statements and actions toward the police, things weren't adding up. It did not look like a random accident at all, but more like the result of some sort of domestic dispute. The paparazzi, tabloids, and every other media outlet went crazy once the story broke! Rumors of infidelity were the main topic on account of mysterious voicemails, confessions, and more. Tiger Woods was the center of all celebrity gossip, and the incessant chatter about him was and is still getting more annoying and more shocking every single day.
To top it off, earlier this week, Tiger Woods finally admitted to cheating on his wife
confirming indeed that a domestic dispute was to blame for the car wreck
You can read Woods' confession on his website.
Point being, Tiger Woods is no longer the top Tiger in town. The shame, disappointment, and embarrassment he has brought to himself, his friends, his family, his fans, the golfing community, and more has led me to believe that each of the following Tigers now remain supreme over this fallen legend of the greens.
Number 11
TIGER WOODS

Just in case you already forgot, he's that good golfer guy now man-whore, lying cheater. I guess his wife, child, and amazing career were just not good enough to keep him satisfied.
Number 10
TIGER SLACKS

Didn't you hear that tiger stripe print is coming back ever since the Tiger Woods scandal broke? Watch out all you other more popular animal prints out there. Cow spots beware! Tiger print doesn't mess around and is dead set on being number one.
Number 9
TIGER FACTS
The tiger is truly an amazing creature. Did you know that a tiger's roar can be heard from over a mile away? The tiger can also eat 100 pounds of meat a night. Tigers are an endangered species, and the biggest cats in the world. Adult tigers like to live alone, and they have the brightest eyes of any other animal!
Number 8
TIGER PRAWNS

Also known as the Penaeus Monodon, this large marine crustacean is one delicious shrimp if I say so myself. And now it leaves a much more better taste in everyone's mouth compared to Mr. Woods.
Number 7
TIGER BALM

This magical heat rub from our Singapore friends does wonders for the human body. I'm sure our friend Tiger Woods is a fan of this muscle soother. Too bad it won't be able to soothe his ego and now bad reputation.
Number 6
TIGER BEAT
This fan magazine has always been a hit among teeny bopper crazed fans of young Hollywood, etc. And now its popularity is just going to continue to grow with Woods out of the top tiger spot.
Number 5
TIGER HEAT

This is an awesome 18 and over gay club in West Hollywood that my friends and I went to once freshman year of college because it was Britney Spears Night :) We didn't know it was a gay club before attending, but once we noticed all the drag queens and lack of straight men we quickly figured it out.
Regardless, this place is super fun and now way more fun than Tiger Woods
Number 4
TIGER JAMS

And no I don't mean songs about tigers or songs that tigers groove to in the jungle. I mean Tiger themed onesie jammies. They're all the rage with kids between the ages of 1 month and 3 years. They're so popular, adult sizes will be available soon.
Number 3
TIGER TUNES

Okay, this one is actually about tiger jams or music if you would prefer! "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor is a great song! There's no denying the catchy lyrics and equally catchy tune! "It's the eye of the tiger. It's the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rival. And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night. And he's watching us all with the eye...of the tiiiiger."
Number 2
TIGER TOONS
Who doesn't love Jasmine's loyal pet, Raja, in Aladdin?
Shere Khan, Mowgli's sworn enemy in The Jungle Book?
Winnie the Pooh's bestie, Tigger? And Frosted Flakes' Tony the Tiger?
Nobody. Everyone loves them cause "They're Great!"
And Number 1
THE TIGER ITSELF
The lion has always been known as the king of the jungle.
The cheetah is constantly being praised for being the fastest cat.
The puma has a popular tennis shoe named after it.
The jaguar has a fancy luxury automobile named after it.
Even the cougar has become popular due to
women like Demi Moore & Courteney Cox.
But the tiger has always been left out. That is until now!
Tigers, I salute you as amazing animals and the best cats of them all!
CONGRATULATIONS ALL YOU ACTUAL TIGERS OUT THERE!
YOU ARE NOW NUMBER ONE OVER TIGER WOODS! YAY :)




